Proud mommy

The other night habang nilalagyan ko ng diaper si ivan...

Ivan: Mommy
Mommy: Yes baby
Ivan: Paglaki ko hindi kn magwo-work ah, kayo ni daddy dito na lang sa bahay kasi ako na magwowork para sa atin.


That made me cry. At the age of 3 naiisip na ng anak ko yung mga ganung bagay. Maybe dahil lagi nya naririnig yun sa amin ng daddy nya that we need to work para sa kanya and for the family. Almost everyday din kasi nakakadurog ng puso kung paano nya sabihin sa akin na wag na ako magwork, na sa house na lang ako, na wag ko siya iiwan and evrything na sentiments nya kaya kahit nga baby pa lang siya ineexplain ko na sa kanya bakit kailangan naming magwork ng daddy nya kaya ganun na lang din nya ini-aim na siya nman yung gagawa nun in time for me and his dad.

That night din naisip ko cguro nga na napapalaki ko naman siya ng maayos because really it is one of my fears as parent, ang mapalaki ng maayos ang anak ko and I hope and pray na lumaki nga siya ng tama at may magandang pag-uugali.

I love you baby.

My HIJ

After so many months eto ulit ako, nakaalala ng aking kanlungan. But its the other way around now. Hindi ako malungkot, hindi ako umiiyak, hindi masama ang loob at hindi rin galit sa mundo.

I just wanna share my source of smile and strength, my HIJ, my Henry Ivan Joaquin.

I love you baby. Daddy and Mommy loves you so much.

frustrated and hurt...

Its been 2 years since my last post and i thought hindi ko n ulit io-open itong blog n ito. This was my kanlungan when i was so down and hurt sa pagkawala ni tatay and now im hurting again...

Choosing him was one of the hardest decisions i made in my life but i chose him over everything because i love him and up to this moment na frustrated and hurt ako, i still love him and there's no regret for that...

Maybe tomorrow or maybe next week or maybe next month ay mawala din itong nararamdaman ko or maybe hindi na...

Hanggat kaya kong sabihin how much love i have for you gusto kong sabihin ito...


Mahal,

i love you so much...
though we are struggling now...
though people keeping us apart...
though i am so jealous of your work...
though we are both frustrated of all that's happening...
though i am so hurt of what you have done...
I LOVE YOU AND STILL WANTED TO LOVE YOU.




As I always tell myself... "everything happens for a reason and that it will all be put in place in His own time".

How to: READ FACES

Let's explore the basics of face reading and how it can help you be a better judge of character.

FACE SHAPE
Long and thin: A person with this kind of face is generally capable of endurance and resolve. If, in addition, the person has regular, attractive features, they will not leave things half done.
Round: A round shape signifies hopefulness and vitality. Radiant, they can turn a stuffy room into a barrel of laughter.
Broad: Not only are these people tolerant and compassionate, they're usually broad-minded.
Square: These are individualistic people who are strong-minded in achieving their dreams; they are people of action and swiftness.

FOREHEAD
Smooth: Someone who has no lines on his forehead is a cerebral person; they're always thinking and making quick decisions.
Wrinkled: If there are horizontal lines across the forehead, this indicates that the person is easily excited and enthused.

EYES - Novels, songs, and poems have been written about the eyes and how they are the windows to the soul. The eyes never lie; they always translate how we feel deep down inside.
Stressed: If you notice some white between the iris and the lower eyelid of both eyes, the person is stressed and worried.
Fierce: If the white part is showing above the iris, this means that on top of stress, the person is likely to respond violently.
Detached: If white is showing all around the iris, run. This signifies that the person is mentally unstable and that they may go postal at any minute. Think Toni from Paradise Hotel .
Lines: Should you notice small lines on the outside of the eyes, you are in the presence of someone who smiles a lot and is, generally speaking, happy.

EYEBROWS - The fun aspect of eyebrows is that they can be a fantastic indicator as to how a person thinks.
Straight: Level, horizontal eyebrows signify an idea person. Talking facts and suggestions with them will get you far.
Curved: If the eyebrows of the person are arched, they enjoy anecdotes.
Thin: These are people with low self-confidence, especially if the eyebrows are high and round. Reassure them and let them know you're not judging them. Even though you are.
Unbroken: If you see someone with the proverbial unibrow, you are faced with a person who is constantly thinking, and you might benefit by encouraging them to share their ideas.

EYELIDS
Small: When the distance between the top of the eyelid and the eyelashes is narrow, this indicates that the person is independent and may even voluntarily keep their distance from others.
Large: On the other hand, a large eyelid is a sign that the person is victim of dependency.

NOSE
Small: It is believed that people with a small snout are inherently weak. Often unreliable, they're not steadfast in their decisions.
Large: A large nose is a sign of initiative and determination, a strong character who leaves his mark.
Blunt: The nose may be large but if the tip is blunt, it suggests that the person is not formal with their surroundings. Pragmatic, they believe in themselves and approach others boldly.
Aquiline: Such a nose is characterized by being small and straight, sharp like a blade. People so adorned are generally self-centered, indecisive and sensitive.

EARS
Small: Small ears are usually a sign of insecurity, but these people know what they want and are hard workers.
Pointed: Just like their spokesperson Mr. Spock, people with pointed ears are inflexible and have difficulty being laid-back.
Hairy: Not only is a person with lots of hair on their ears funny to look at, but they are also meticulous. The problem is that they often squander loads of energy on unimportant items.

CHIN and JAW
Square jaw: People with square jaws are indomitable and have the ability to turn their dreams into reality.
Protruding chin: If the person's chin noticeably sticks out, they are self-important. They believe they hold the almighty truth and no one else is ever right.

CHEEKS
Well-developed: Cheeks shaped this way are a sign of vigor, energy, self-assurance, and people who have such cheeks are willing to accept other people's mistakes.
Dimples: In addition to being attractive, dimples symbolize a person's congeniality.

LIPS
Full: On top of enhancing good looks, full lips characterize generosity and a desire to talk about oneself.
Thin: If the lips aren't particularly bulbous, it is a sign of an innate introverted personality.
Thin top and full bottom: In the event that the person has a thin upper lip and a more generous lower lip, it's an indication that the person is very persuasive.

ACCEPTANCE...

Acceptance means that you can find the serenity within
To let go of the past with its mistakes and regrets
Move into the future with a new perspective
And appreciate the opportunity to take a second chance

Acceptance means you’ll find security again
When difficult times comes into your life
And comfort to relieve any pain
You’ll find new dreams, fresh hopes and forgiveness of the heart

Acceptance does not mean
That you will always be perfect
It simply means that
You’ll always overcome imperfection

Acceptance is the road to peace
Letting go of the worst
Holding on to the best
And finishing the hope inside that continuous throughout life

Acceptance…
Is the hearts best defense
Love’s greatest asset
And the easiest way to keep believing in yourself and others.

INNER PEACE...

Text conversation between Besi (me) and Beci (my bestfriend)

Beci (10:25pm 10-OCT-08): Musta po? Wl lang naalala lang kita. Gudnyt n. Nawa’y matamo u ang inner peace. Hehe! D joke un, totoo un. tulog n b u?

Besi (10:27pm 10-OCT-08): Hays! Sana nga. E2 matutulog p lang kc tinapos nmin Kim Sam Soon, ending kc. Nytnyt! Muahh!

Beci (10:31pm 10-OCT-08): Meron me spiritual adviser. Lagi nyang cnsabi na manalangin daw ako… Nananalangin me pag pinapaalala nya. Nanalangin me kanina. Manalangin k rin… BTW, musta n nga pl tyo? Bff p rin b tyo? Wl lang. Medyo madalang lang kc tyo magcommunicate lately.

Besi (10:35pm 10-OCT-08): Adik! Ano ung BTW at Bff? Hehe!

Besi (10:37pm 10-OCT-08): Minsan kc parang mas ok kausap ung ndi ako masyado kilala, ung ndi masyado magtatanong kung kumusta na ako. Kung pwede nga ung ndi nakakaalam ng nagyari sa tatay ko, ung kakausapin ako ng parang walang nangyari. Nahihirapan p din kc ako til now eh.

Beci (10:41pm 10-OCT-08): By the way at bestfriends forever. Besi , ano kb? Masyado kn yatang thunder at d n u updated… Mang arbor k ng panalangin sa mananampalataya. Wag skin, d ako certified… musta n c ate ruth jan? Ano nga pl name nung alaga nya n pretty na bata?

Besi (10:45pm 10-OCT-08): Hahaha! Un pl un. Ndi din ako nakikipag-usap or txt kina mami ruth and so wid her family, minsan lang ako napunta sa kanila mula nung mawala c tatay at may tanging pagtitipon lang dun kaya ako npunta. Ndi din ako nagpupunta kina nay bety or kina ka greg. Kaya wag k magtampo ha?! Escape ko din cguro ito. Sobrang adik nga ako sa chat eh, cla kc wala masyado alam bout me.

Beci (10:49pm 10-OCT-08): Ano kb besi? Pag tinatanong kita if musta kn, kunyari lang un. D nman tlg me concern sa estado ng pagkatao u. Hehehe! Bkit, feeling u b concern me?... Gusto u b concern me or d me concern?

Besi (10:51pm 10-OCT-08): Adik! Pinaiiyak mo nman ako eh. Evertym kc n may ask n tao if musta n ako eh un ung start n mag-iisip n nman ako kung musta nga b ako gang sa kung anu-ano n maiisip at maaalala ko. Ang hirap ng ganun eh.

Beci (10:54pm 10-OCT-08):Tumutupad kp b?

Besi (10:56pm 10-OCT-08): Oo nman noh. Ndi ko nman pinabayaan ang tungkulin ko. Mas nagging mabait nga yt ako now eh.

Beci (10:59pm 10-OCT-08): Kunyari nga lang ung musta ko. Pakitang biboy lang. Hihi! Buti nman tumutupad u… Cno bang ok? Maski nga me, parang ndi. Ok lang n i-admit n hindi… Mas ok nga kung aaminin mong hindi. Aminin, hindi sa ibang tao, kundi sa sarili u.

Beci (11:06pm 10-OCT-08): Sasabihin ko sana na it’s natural but it’s not… Because each problem, experience, reaction and feelings that we have are unique. Wat connect? Queber, d ko rin alam… Basta maging true klang sa sarili u at lagi magpray.

Besi (11:10pm 10-OCT-08): Nkktawa nga eh kc dis week tlg eh narealized ko n ndi nga pl ako ok. Kung ndi ko p nakita kung gano kadami ung tambak n work sa ofiz eh ndi ko mre-realize n ndi pl ako ok. Ang status nga ng YM ko eh, “mis ko n c Chona at kung cno man ang nakakita sa kanya, kung pwede ibalik n s akin”. Hahaha! 2matawa ako pero sa loob eh lungkot n lungkot p din ako. Parang iba n nga ako eh, ewan ko. Basta! Lagi nman ako pray n sana maging normal n ulit ako.

Beci (11:12pm 10-OCT-08): Besi, u’l never b the same old u because sumthing had changed… U’l never get over wat happened, u just have to learn to accept and live w/ it.

Besi (11:16pm 10-OCT-08): Hahaha! Umiiyak ako at tumatawa now. Sobrang plastic tlg natin and tingin ko its our common denominator. Galing natin mgpretend n strong kahit hinanghina n tyo, kaya nating tumawa at magpatawa kahit iyak n iyak n ang puso natin. Bff nga tyo. Hahaha! Huhuhu!

Beci (11:25pm 10-OCT-08): Aba besi, wala ng reply. Yan b ay dahil bumulib k sa advice ko or tulog kn? Nag check op or n bore u sa topic? Lam ko n, kinailangan ung pumunta sa may sampayan dahil nabasa n ng luha ung kumot mo.

Besi (11:27pm 10-OCT-08): Adik! Natagal din kc reply mo. Oo nga noh, ndi n ako babalik sa old me. Hahaha! Magaling kp din tlg. Hehe! Ganda nung point mo dun ah.

Beci (11:30pm 10-OCT-08): Cyempre ah. Intelektual ang bff u. Isang hirit pa! The more u pretend that u r strong, d weaker u are… If u can admit that u are weak, then u are strong enough to admit the truth… Wag n kc magpanggap…

Besi (11:32pm 10-OCT-08): Tnx. Iba p din tlg ang convincing power mo. Naniniwala p din ako syo eh. Hehe! Ge gudnyt n. Maaga p bukas sa distrito eh. Salamat beci. Nytnyt. Muahh!

Beci (11:34pm 10-OCT-08): Nyt! Mwah!


I just hope that one day maramdaman ko n ung INNER PEACE and to LEARN to ACCEPT and TO LIVE with all that happened… Tnx beci!

Happy Birthday Tatay...

Those good old days of way back when
are never far away…
the things we did, the laughs we’ve shared ---
they seem like yesterday.
Hope you know you’re always near
in thought and heart and mind,
along with happy memories
of the very best kind.


You’ve always taken good care of me, loved me lots, and raised me right… Thanks for being the perfect tatay for me…

I miss you and I love you sooooooo much.

Happy birthday Tatay!